Have you ever stopped to consider the last time you acted out of extreme selflessness? Truly practicing the notion of Something for Nothing?
Early in 2019, this phrase popped into my mind. I felt that I was knee-deep in the most selfless acts for another human that I had ever experienced in my life. I just knew every single thing I was doing was coming from a place of selflessness – by means of my actions – where I truly believed I stood to gain, or lose, nothing. Through the last year and a half, I have paused, analyzed, and deconstructed the meaning of these three simple words. It took a long, long time. Thinking through my nature, and the selfless person I had convinced myself I had become…
…But slowly, I began to question: what do these words actually entail? In a selfish society surrounded by our own wants and needs, when do we ever truly pause to do something – for someone – or ourselves, that is entirely selfless.
I thought that the acts I was conducting in the name of others were out of the goodness of my heart. I am a teacher after all.
I mean, sure – I am a teacher – I help students, parents, and my community every day. I eat healthy, exercise, and care about my mind/body balance. I often open my heart, wallet, and sanity to those around me whom I love.
I must have some level and degree of selflessness in my personality, in my character? Right?
But no, not necessarily. Not when you truly start to break it down. Even with the best intentions, I have come to the conclusion that most things in life are fueled by, and executed with, the means of gaining something in return. Even if you are ignorant and oblivious to what that return might look like.
How many times have you truly sat and thought of what you expect of those around you? Or better yet, yourself?
Our actions and our expectations rarely match – we perform these duties: “In the name of karma” “For the good of others” “Because they need me.”
So on we trudge, performing these actions – masked by our selflessness, beating to the drum of “Something for Nothing.” Oftentimes, our Battle Chant turns into more of a Battle Cry – with sobs and restlessness to match. We become less of a warrior and more of a mess – stretching ourselves thin- screaming at the sky a proverbial “Why me?” Bruised and beaten down – blinking through the exhaustion – and chalking it up to yet another selfless act. Gaining nothing, and being okay with it. But truly – we’re not. We only feel bruised and beaten by the lack of what we gain: be it attention, love, adoration, respect – the list could go on and on.
We give – and we want – but what do we gain?
In this selfish society, I think it is fair to say that we must not act on Something for Nothing. Rather – it should, in fact, be for something.
I mean, sure – I am a teacher – and I also gather a paycheck and the internal peace that I make a difference in our world. I live a healthy lifestyle – with the hopes of maintaining my health, all the while growing my strength, confidence, and courage. I even overextend myself to those whom I love – but I crave and often expect a similar love in return – all while gaining the knowledge, and ability, to release what doesn’t serve me.
It’s okay to be selfish – in fact, the more I have considered it, I realize it’s a large and extremely important part of being human.
You can act in kindness, grace, and adoration of others – but most important of all – you must not neglect yourself.
Love your friends, spouse, children, and strangers with a “selfless” kind of love, but ensure that your actions are being met with equal gratification, respect, and adoration.
Your Something for Something.
And if your needs are not being met?
Inhale, exhale – and let that shit go.
At the very end of the day, you are all you have. And you are enough.
With Selfish Love in Seattle, WA
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